Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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