Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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