you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
