You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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