My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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