last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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