what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
