I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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