My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
