Please, let me fuck your mom
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
