I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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