R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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