Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
