Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
