**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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