you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
