You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
