So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize
