Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
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