So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Can you bring me the toilet please
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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