ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
