Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize
