I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
