my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
