Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
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