Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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