currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize