i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
