the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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