I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
