If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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