so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize