Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
