and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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