I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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