the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
