It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
