they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
