Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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