hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
