there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
