walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
