I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
my being single is dangerous.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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