I just gift wrapped bread.
sarcasm needs its own font
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
