I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
