Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
