Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
