Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Two words: nipple clamps
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