So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Randomize
