We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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