So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
