I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
My ass is underappreciated
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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