just tell him i said nine months
false alarm. still invincible.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Is Oprah even human
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
