you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
