Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
