I'm going to jail i love you
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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