Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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