You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
