Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize