I think i peed on brittanys purse
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
