Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
