remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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