when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
