I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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