"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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