dude i'm inner monologue high
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
