i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Randomize
