I just cut my nipple shaving
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
